My Superstitious Self

To quote Michael Scott from The Office: "I'm not superstitious. But I am a little stitious."

That pretty much sums me up. While I completely understand the lunacy of thinking that any of my actions or thoughts or words will ever actually change the course of events, there are some things I don't like doing.

Saying, "Well, it could be worse!" is one of these things. Because guess what! Shit always gets worse, almost IMMEDIATELY after uttering that phrase. "At least _______ didn't happen!" is another stupid thing to say, since whatever you fill the blank in with will, inevitably, happen. Unless it's winning the lottery. God forbid I win millions of dollars and can fix almost every single problem in my life!

So it's been filling me with a lot of anxiety that I've even TOLD people about my application with the Teach and Learn with Georgia program, because I feel like I've doomed myself from the start. And to be fair, it has been fairly clusterfucky from the get go. Telling my bosses and quitting my job and moving from California back to Michigan just to have the program be closed two weeks later? I'm fairly sure that had I just done the normal thing people do, which is quit their job without warning and leave everyone up shits creek, I would've been in Georgia for the last 7 months. And I know that's a crazy thing to say, but it really does feel like the Universe is just a spiteful bastard sometimes, and it's hellbent on making sure I feel like the rug will be pulled out from under me at any time.

Which again, is an insane statement. I get that. I fully recognize it. But there have been so many instances where it's honestly felt true that a part of me can't help but be superstitious about any possible plans, desires, or wishes.

I guess at the end of the day, one way or another, if I get the email saying "YES WE WANT YOU!" or "HELL NO STAY AWAY FROM OUR COUNTRY!" it will be nice to have some finality. I've been in limbo for the last year and a half (actually more, realistically, since I made the decision to apply for some overseas program back in 2010, and in true Andronis style I just kept putting it off and off and off with excuse after excuse after excuse), and I'm kind of over it. Because the truth of the matter is, that no matter how detached I feel from everything, I am, actually, slightly invested. I told myself over and over again while in California that I hated it, and the only thing keeping me sane was my car and trips to Disneyland. And although these two statements were pretty true at the time, I'm finding myself sitting here saying, "Man, I cannot wait to go back to _______."  I'm fairly done with not being fully THERE with the people and places around me. It will be a nice change of pace.

However, it's been what feels like an eternity for this email to come, one way or another, and while I'm ridiculously hopeful, it's starting to feel like all my optimism is just going to make the exact opposite happen. Just cause the Universe is a jerkwad.

Blurbs

These are just random things in my brain at the moment. In no particular order. Because it's a Wednesday. And why not?



Dear Cleaning Crew at work,
2:30 pm on a Wednesday seems like a weird time to clean the bathroom. But what do I know?
Sincerely,
Confused.



Unsure why, because it seems like a HUGE contradiction, but I'm sitting here, listening to Meshuggah, and all I want to do is watch some Bob Ross and paint. Does that make any sense? No.



Why is it, that no matter what kind of mood I'm in, when I hear "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen I have to sing obnoxiously loud and flail my arms around and dance? Like today, I've just felt...off...is the best word for this emotion. Most of the day has been spent just kind of "meh" until "Don't Stop Me Now" came on Spotify and all of the sudden I'm the fucking dancing queen (no pun intended). It's dumb how happy that song makes me. Also, I feel super bad for the office neighbors, cause I'm pretty sure I'm the most annoying person to be in this building in a long ass time. But I'm not 100% we actually have office neighbors? I never see anyone? So I guess until someone complains I'll keep doing my thing. Which is blast music, sing, and edit an unending stream of old photos. I'm going to have to write up a post in which I discuss my complete nerd love of old pictures. Well, photography in general, really. Cause it's the coolest.

Hilarity

I was talking a few weeks ago with my good friend, Karen. She mentioned that, with a possible upcoming trip overseas, I should start a blog. After reading a few reviews online, I settled on Blogger. Much to my surprise, it auto logged me in (thank you, Google!), and up popped my username, Bubble Infatuation. Now, some people might see this as a person who loves big ol' butts, and writes all about their love of big ol' butts, maybe even including some pictures of these big ol' butts. Alas, it is nowhere near that cool. Apparently, back in 2009, I started this to be a blog about Discipline priests in the video game, World Of Warcraft. I even went so far as to create a banner for it (as seen at the top). It was the height of my nerd rage, and I had a lot of opinions on the class, gameplay, and overall direction the devs were taking it. I also apparently felt my opinions were valid enough that I had to subject the world to them.

Thank goodness for everyone I'm over that.

So now this is just sitting here, waiting for an overhaul. I've changed the username, but I went so far as to arrange my add-ons in game so I could get an appropriate screenshot for the banner, so that's gonna stay. Also staying is the name, because even though it was originally made to reflect my adoration of seeing bubbles pop up all over the raid, thus protecting everyone underneath them, I'm partially a magpie in real life, and I do actually love shiny things. So, it all works out.