It's A Love Hate Relationship

A few weeks ago I was at a party in Tbilisi with a large majority of the Tbilisi expat community. I don't know them very well, but I've met most of them a few times, and while they're nice enough they're not really any kind of group I'd go out of my way to hang out with when I have my awesome comrades in the TLG program.

Anyway, I introduced myself to one girl, a former TLG volunteer who has lived in country for the last two years, and is dating a Georgian guy. I figured, "Hey, she must be kind of cool! She's stuck around past her contract, is living in Tbilisi, and is even in a cross cultural relationship! She's got to have hilarious stories about this goofy place we both so clearly enjoy!" Naturally, after initial pleasantries, she asked me how I was liking Georgia, and I said that I loved it. I might as well have called her a stupid fat cow, because she jumped down my throat for that for the next forty minutes.

"What do you mean you LOVE Georgia? No one LOVES Georgia! Georgians don't even love Georgia!"

She had a snipe for every single reason I gave her.

"I think it's a beautiful and diverse looking landscape. I love mountains and the sea."

"Oh, so you love trash everywhere because no one gives a shit enough to throw it away properly?"

"I think the food is delicious."

"Yeah, you get sick of it. Trust me. There's only so much bread you can eat."

"I think the people are really nice and helpful."

"And judgmental and bossy and really, really rude. And will totally rip you off once they find out you're not Georgian."

And on and on it went. For over a half an hour. This person, who I'd never met, belittled me and just kept telling me how wrong I was about every single one of my thoughts.

Now, I don't handle people telling me what to do very well, let alone how to think. Disagree with me, sure, but don't sit there and tell me that I'm fucking stupid for my opinions, cause guess what? They're MINE.

There are plenty of things to be upset about this country with, and it's not like she was necessarily lying about all of her reproaches.

There is a huge amount of trash everywhere. The creek behind my house acts as my family's dump. People let trash just drop from their hands while walking down the street, or chuck it out of car windows as they go driving down the road. And sometimes, sure, it is obnoxious to be in a beautiful field surrounded by snow capped mountains and see seven plastic bags hanging on tree branches or corn stalks. But then you remember you're in a place that doesn't even have a stable electric grid, let alone a reliable and orderly trash collection system. Also, it's not like America is really that much better. The national parks are clean [for the most part], but our major cities are pretty trashed (pun intended!). Granted, it's not to the level most towns here are, but still. Environmental friendliness isn't taught here, and unfortunately that's something that has to be taught. And since this is a country where many people burn their trash in winter as supplemental fuel for their houses, I think we should, once again, be focusing on fixing the bigger issues at hand. 

As for the food, I really think this one is about where you are in country. After talking to a lot of my friends who live in the mountains, I realized I'm pretty freaking lucky about my location. Telavi is a fairly large town, and we have a bazaar that is active every day. Not only that, but we're relatively close to Armenia and Azerbaijan so we continue to get vegetables throughout the winter. My family is also fairly well off by Georgian standards, so we have a good bit of diversity when it comes to meals. Sure, most meals are some kind of brothy meat stew with potatoes and some tasty spices, but I've yet to get sick of those since they're so freaking delicious. But in the villages and mountains it's a different story. Most other volunteers have been eating some kind of bread and potato dish all winter, and up in the mountains there is basically no type of vegetable other than cabbage. So I can see where some people might grow tired of the food.

But that's not necessarily "Georgian" food. That's "being poor" food anywhere. Also, if you live in a town or a city, you have options, and I don't really understand how anyone living in Tbilisi can claim boredom of food. I mean, they have a few Indian restaurants (oh my god they're so good!), a Thai place, a Mexican joint (and they totally ripped off the graphics from Chipotle and it's hilarious!), and even a pizza place! With cheese sticks! It's legitimate pizza! And that's not counting all the Lebanese restaurants, Turkish cafes, and even the American fast food branches. There are stores that sell pretty much anything you could want, so cooking isn't even a pain in the ass in a city.

And in terms of people and their judgmental tendencies, well, it's not that I can refute that, because I can't really. Georgians are no more judgmental than most Americans are, which is to say they're a pretty judgmental group of people. I've yet to really have that big of a problem with it, however. Most of the time, if I ask someone for help I'm greeted by curious and friendly questions in hopes of helping me out. I tend to avoid talking to younger women, because I've noticed that they're exceptionally not friendly, and I also stay away from younger men since I don't want them to get the wrong idea. So by narrowing down who it is that I interact with when I need help, I've effectively cut out the major judgers. It helps, again, that I live in a bigger city, and don't have to deal with small village life. It also helps that I'm not the first American to be through here, so my being a foreigner is pretty old hat. That's not to say that the people in the bazaar don't rip me off, because they absolutely do. But the people in my life that matter - my host family and coworkers and neighbors - are pretty non-judgmental, and that's really all I care about.

Now, there is plenty of shit about this country that drives me insane. All of the double standards I have to navigate get really tiring after a while, and being treated like a four year old when I'm twenty seven is equally obnoxious. I'm saddened by the way animals are treated even though I understand why. Sometimes when I catch people blatantly staring at me I feel like yelling, "JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS IT DO I HAVE FOUR HANDS GROWING OUT OF MY EARS WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!" Not having a car is vexing, and being reliant on a public transit system that doesn't have any kind of schedule other than, "We go when it's full, and we don't drive roads at night," is tricky to navigate sometimes. The lack of privacy with personal items, like phones or notebooks, is still a little jarring, as well.

So having said all that, you're probably wondering why it is that I say I love this place. And the truth of the matter is, I can't really give you a concrete reason why.

I think it's funny that if I want clothes without haggling at the bazaar I have to go to one of the three Chinese shops in town, all run by an unamused family of Chinese folks who all sell the exact same items of clothing, shoes, and cheap imported toys.
I like how a "big night out" in Telavi consists of sitting on a park bench and watching all the guys drive round and round the town center in their cars, most of which don't have front fenders even though they're BMWs or Audis.
I think it's fantastic that people have ridiculous decals on their car windows, like, "SORRY" or "It's My Drift, Bitch," and tinted windows on a Lada Niva are always a great sight.
I love the sound of the Tbilisi metro as it's slowing down between stops.
I don't think I really knew what beautiful was until I was in a marshrutka in the middle of the mountains while this song was playing.
I love that sometimes there's a space heater on our toilet, or pants in our hot water heater, or a stray puppy sleeping on our wood pile in the sun.
I'm tickled whenever I'm looking for our cutting board and, on a whim, decide to look out back of the house and there it is, sitting on a trash can full of distilling chacha.
I love how chacha is stored in gasoline canisters or Fanta bottles, depending on it's quality.

There are a thousand little reasons as to why this place makes me smile every day, and that's ultimately why I love it, which is a hard thing to articulate to people.

The point is that this goofy little country has, for the most part, felt very natural. Yes, it surprises me endlessly, and there are some things that I flat out do not understand. There are also a number of things that I really miss about America. But at the end of the day, Georgia has felt the most like home of anywhere I've lived, other than Upper Michigan. It makes sense to me, in a way that California or Texas, or even lower Michigan, just never did. I like that I have health insurance here, and that even though I make less than $230 USD a month, I'm able to live like an actual person, and go on weekend trips and buy decent food and see my friends. I've felt like an adult for the first time in my whole adult life, and it's something I'm not really eager to give up on my return to America.

I've been seeing a lot of articles lately about "Millennials," the name for the generation I am apparently a part of. It's a generation that's labeled as lazy in this dire economy, one who actually has to second guess our decision to get higher educations out of college because we're encumbered by crippling amounts of debt with no sort of income to properly counteract them. The articles all say the same thing - that if we just try harder, or suck it up and work crap jobs that we hate, that eventually we will be able to dig ourselves out of the financial hell in which we're stuck. And quite frankly, that doesn't sound awesome. Sure, teaching isn't my calling in life, but at least I'm making enough money right now where I don't FEEL like I'm living in some financial hell. I'm also not working sixty hour work weeks in high stress places for money that barely covers my living expenses.

America is, to me, a terrible reminder of all the things I want to do but can't due to monetary restrictions. It's working a lot for very small results, and always being painfully aware of how I should be doing better based on some self imposed ideal of what life with a college degree should be. But here, there is none of that. And I think that's what I dig the most.

Initial American Thoughts

I'm writing this after four days of being back on American soil, numerous showers, and in front of a space heater while my nails dry. I finally look like myself again instead of some ashy skinned tired-eyed hosebeast who smells like dirt and handwashed laundry (the song "I'm Sexy And I Know It" comes to mind...).

The flight from Tbilisi was probably one of the longest bits of anything ever. In the history of ever. Tbilisi to Istanbul to Toronto to Chicago, and then seven hours driving straight north. I've got to say, I'm highly annoyed by the lack of power outlets and free wifi in airports (excepting the Toronto airport, of course. Leave it to the Canadians to give us free wifi!). Is it really so hard to provide those things? I feel like it's not, and that it's just a way for them to force you to pay an exorbitant amount of money to enjoy lackluster speeds, all from a computer (or smart phone) that is perilously low on battery because you've been unable to find a god damn power outlet anywhere! And when you do find an outlet, it will inevitably be in a very awkward location, forcing you to sit on the ground and get questionable looks from other travelers, airline workers, and even the janitorial staff. But that is nothing compared to the puzzled glances and stares from the surrounding humans when I bust out The Rig.

Behold! The Rig! All together it's slightly larger than my head...

The Rig is the term of endearment used for how I get power to my electronic devices in Georgia. While many people have said, "Doesn't that all seem a bit excessive and superfluous?" I would argue that since I lack the capital to replace my computer, iPhone, or camera battery, no. It is not excessive, nor superfluous. Although, I think that something along the line is broken, as my computer tends to buzz a little bit, and I can actually feel an electric current when I touch the body. Probably not awesome for me or Helix, but that's kind of where we are at the moment.

Anyway. As I was sitting on the floor of the Istanbul airport, unable to touch my computer cause it was electrically uncomfortable, praying that both it and my phone would charge up fully before the 11 hour flight across the ocean, I kept having the feeling like I was getting stared at. And sure enough, whenever I looked up from the mindless scribbling in my notebook that was keeping me occupied, if it wasn't the judgmental Polish guys glaring incredulously at my power supply situation, then it was a young child who, after kicking my leg cause they didn't see the four feet of space I was occupying around the outlet, would stop their mother and point at me quizzically. 

Come on, people. You know the shortage of power outlets in airports. Also, if you would like to supply me with a monetary safety cushion to replace my beloved electronics, I will happily forego my crazy ensemble for electricity. Until then, move along! Nothing to see!

So onto my Air Canada flight I climb, mentally divvying up the time on the plane where I could listen to music on my phone, charge it through USB on my computer, and then still have enough juice for music for the last 4 hours of the trip through Toronto. And then, I sat down. And in front of me what did I see? What glorious sight was like a welcome reprieve through the desert of no electricity? The thing that has made Air Canada my new favorite airline on the planet. 

A USB plug AND a normal North American outlet?? I've died and gone to heaven! Why don't ALL airlines have this??

For the first time in months, I plugged my computer in and it didn't buzz. I could use my headphones while it was charging without having a weird feeling like my brain was being fried! It was magical!

And then I realized that maybe coming back, even if only for a month, wouldn't be so bad. I've been dreading more and more the return to America for several reasons, all of which have been seeming more and more daunting the closer my flight became. However, I'm happy to say that since I'm still in my "everything is so shiny!" phase, I've compiled a list as to why America is enjoyable right now.

1. Taco Bell is probably the most delicious thing ever. It may just be the pinnacle of Mexican cuisine. 

2. Hot, long showers every day.

3. During said hot, long showers, actually shaving my legs. However, having to use a pumice stone on them definitely brought down my awesome feelings. But now they're back to feeling normal, and no longer resemble reptile skin, so that's wonderful!

4. Painting my nails with nailpolish that stays on through showers, daily activities, and stern looks!

5. Cutting my hair with scissors! While I finally gave up on ever seeing my scissors in Georgia again and thus started cutting my hair with a Swiss Army Knife, the pure simple delight of trimming my bangs without the fear of a knife slipping and impaling my eyeball was magnificent! I even got crazy yesterday and gave my entire head a little update. In my uncontrollable zeal I found that since the front parts of my hair are longer than the back, I can actually tie them under my chin, thus making it look like a babushka. Naturally I chased my sisters dog around a little whilst rocking this do.

6. Two Hearted IPA is the nectar of the gods. 

7. Driving. Pure and simple. 

8. Central heating. My home in Georgia is only warm in one room, and that is not my bedroom or the bathroom. It's cool to not be freezing when I need to visit the latrine.

9. Wearing a combination of big stompy winter boots and my dumb black stretchy pants, thus making me feel like a character out of a science fiction game. I hate to be that bimbo that just cannot be bothered to leave her comfy black yoga pants to go out in public, but it lets me think that maybe today I might just get to shoot some aliens in the face, so deal with it, world!

10. Christmas lights! Flying into Toronto, I kept seeing all these colorful little blotches on the ground. And then I realized that they were Christmas lights on houses and trees! It was really nice to see, as no houses in Georgia really don these. 

11. Christmas in general. Christmas is my favorite. It means Love Actually, and Nightmare Before Christmas, and A Christmas Story, and listening to the Beatles album Love while we decorate the tree.  It's being a spaz with my sister and running around her house like a freakpants while putting up oodles of sparkly things and harassing her poor dog. 

12. Drinking a never ending supply of tea while wrapped up in a blanket with a space heater pointed at my toes, all to the wonderful joy of Netflix and its continuous play. I've missed you a lot, Netflix. I want to give your non corporeal little self a big ol' hug.