A Very Merry Unbirthday To Me

I had a pretty weird day yesterday, which mostly consisted of having a whole group of people pretend it was my birthday, while all of them knew it wasn't really my birthday.

It began a few weeks ago. I introduced my sister to Pinterest in the vain attempt of hoping she could fall into a different black hole on the Internet other than Facebook. She was pretty taken by that site and its ability to steal hours and we, of course, started looking up recipes for things to make. Our brief foray on this site got us some pizza instructions, brownies, and various other foods that aren't so common in this neck of the woods, like fruit kebobs. The next few weeks were spent trying out all these new fangled recipes, and tweaking them until we were satisfied with the results.

Last Sunday, Ani announced to me that we would have a party the following weekend, because she wanted to have one and make all this delicious food for her friends. A week in advance is crazy pants for trying to plan anything with other twenty something year olds, let alone any Georgian, but I didn't argue, and instead sent out the desired text messages to my friends informing them of their invitation for the following Sunday. Thursday rolls around, and as Ani and I are chatting, she tells me that her mother does not want her to have a party. She's very downcast as she lets this news out, but then suddenly remembers that my birthday is sometime in March.

"Johanna, when is your birthday? It is soon?"

"Yeah, sort of. It's at the end of the month."

A light twinkled in her eye, and then Ani smiled. "I think your birthday is this weekend. We need to have a party!"

"But it's not my birthday!"

"No, but you have two birthdays! One, this weekend, when you were really born, and the one in your passport, which is end of month!"

"But, what? No! I only have ONE birthday, and it is NOT this weekend!"

She winks. "Yes, one is! And all of your friends will come and all of mine will come and then, two weeks, another party! For passport birthday!"

"But none of my friends can come this weekend! Only Sophia! Everyone else is in Tbilisi! I don't think this is a good idea. We should just wait for two weeks." I'm getting more and more uncomfortable with this whole shenanigan, especially knowing that my host mother said 'no' and that Ani is now just using me for her own ends.

"Yes, but if we wait, none of my friends come! They have other things!"

"So let me get this straight. At my own birthday party, it will only be all of your friends. Only one of mine. And I will also have two birthdays. And your mother will be fooled. I don't think you're as sneaky as you think you are..."

And then she laughed, ran off to tell her mother about my multiple birthdays, and continued plotting.

I kept reiterating to my host mom that yesterday was not actually my birthday. I also made sure to tell her that this was in no way my idea, because birthday salutations are horrific enough, let alone parties celebrating my busting into the world as a gross red slimy blob of newborn human (can you tell how much I just LOVE being the center of attention?).

Not only did Ani throw me the curve ball of this party of hers being masqueraded as my birthday, but she also switched the days from Sunday to Saturday. On Friday night. So Saturday rolls around, and she starts hassling me about how she has two friends helping with cooking, and where are mine!

"Hold on there, gogo!" Sometimes when she is being extra ridiculous I call her 'girl' in Georgian, because it is an equally ridiculous word for her actions. "Sophia is coming later today, because you told me you wanted this shindig on Sunday! She made plans with her host family, so she will be here in the afternoon, crazypants!" There was no more grumbling after I reminded her that she willy nilly changed the plan.

We made some bastardized pizza, brownie cake, and burgers. Her friends brought gummy candy, khachapuri, and lemonade. Sophia and I also purchased a very large container of beer, knowing that if we were to spend most of the evening with a gaggle of thirteen year old girls that we would need our trusty alcoholic friend to help us.

It was a pretty goofy party, consisting of everyone telling me "happy birthday" in both Georgian and English, and then a lot of giggling, and a few even winking at me. Everybody knew it wasn't my birthday, including my host mother and grandmother, but everyone pretended it was. Despite there being no one to fool anymore?

I don't know, it was really bizarre. Much more so than I seem capable of articulating right now.

Ever since I read Alice in Wonderland I've loved the idea of an Unbirthday. I thought it was so silly and awesome, and I always really wanted to have one. I guess it makes sense that something nonsensical like that would actually happen to me while here, since this is the most nonsensical place on the planet.