Initial American Thoughts

I'm writing this after four days of being back on American soil, numerous showers, and in front of a space heater while my nails dry. I finally look like myself again instead of some ashy skinned tired-eyed hosebeast who smells like dirt and handwashed laundry (the song "I'm Sexy And I Know It" comes to mind...).

The flight from Tbilisi was probably one of the longest bits of anything ever. In the history of ever. Tbilisi to Istanbul to Toronto to Chicago, and then seven hours driving straight north. I've got to say, I'm highly annoyed by the lack of power outlets and free wifi in airports (excepting the Toronto airport, of course. Leave it to the Canadians to give us free wifi!). Is it really so hard to provide those things? I feel like it's not, and that it's just a way for them to force you to pay an exorbitant amount of money to enjoy lackluster speeds, all from a computer (or smart phone) that is perilously low on battery because you've been unable to find a god damn power outlet anywhere! And when you do find an outlet, it will inevitably be in a very awkward location, forcing you to sit on the ground and get questionable looks from other travelers, airline workers, and even the janitorial staff. But that is nothing compared to the puzzled glances and stares from the surrounding humans when I bust out The Rig.

Behold! The Rig! All together it's slightly larger than my head...

The Rig is the term of endearment used for how I get power to my electronic devices in Georgia. While many people have said, "Doesn't that all seem a bit excessive and superfluous?" I would argue that since I lack the capital to replace my computer, iPhone, or camera battery, no. It is not excessive, nor superfluous. Although, I think that something along the line is broken, as my computer tends to buzz a little bit, and I can actually feel an electric current when I touch the body. Probably not awesome for me or Helix, but that's kind of where we are at the moment.

Anyway. As I was sitting on the floor of the Istanbul airport, unable to touch my computer cause it was electrically uncomfortable, praying that both it and my phone would charge up fully before the 11 hour flight across the ocean, I kept having the feeling like I was getting stared at. And sure enough, whenever I looked up from the mindless scribbling in my notebook that was keeping me occupied, if it wasn't the judgmental Polish guys glaring incredulously at my power supply situation, then it was a young child who, after kicking my leg cause they didn't see the four feet of space I was occupying around the outlet, would stop their mother and point at me quizzically. 

Come on, people. You know the shortage of power outlets in airports. Also, if you would like to supply me with a monetary safety cushion to replace my beloved electronics, I will happily forego my crazy ensemble for electricity. Until then, move along! Nothing to see!

So onto my Air Canada flight I climb, mentally divvying up the time on the plane where I could listen to music on my phone, charge it through USB on my computer, and then still have enough juice for music for the last 4 hours of the trip through Toronto. And then, I sat down. And in front of me what did I see? What glorious sight was like a welcome reprieve through the desert of no electricity? The thing that has made Air Canada my new favorite airline on the planet. 

A USB plug AND a normal North American outlet?? I've died and gone to heaven! Why don't ALL airlines have this??

For the first time in months, I plugged my computer in and it didn't buzz. I could use my headphones while it was charging without having a weird feeling like my brain was being fried! It was magical!

And then I realized that maybe coming back, even if only for a month, wouldn't be so bad. I've been dreading more and more the return to America for several reasons, all of which have been seeming more and more daunting the closer my flight became. However, I'm happy to say that since I'm still in my "everything is so shiny!" phase, I've compiled a list as to why America is enjoyable right now.

1. Taco Bell is probably the most delicious thing ever. It may just be the pinnacle of Mexican cuisine. 

2. Hot, long showers every day.

3. During said hot, long showers, actually shaving my legs. However, having to use a pumice stone on them definitely brought down my awesome feelings. But now they're back to feeling normal, and no longer resemble reptile skin, so that's wonderful!

4. Painting my nails with nailpolish that stays on through showers, daily activities, and stern looks!

5. Cutting my hair with scissors! While I finally gave up on ever seeing my scissors in Georgia again and thus started cutting my hair with a Swiss Army Knife, the pure simple delight of trimming my bangs without the fear of a knife slipping and impaling my eyeball was magnificent! I even got crazy yesterday and gave my entire head a little update. In my uncontrollable zeal I found that since the front parts of my hair are longer than the back, I can actually tie them under my chin, thus making it look like a babushka. Naturally I chased my sisters dog around a little whilst rocking this do.

6. Two Hearted IPA is the nectar of the gods. 

7. Driving. Pure and simple. 

8. Central heating. My home in Georgia is only warm in one room, and that is not my bedroom or the bathroom. It's cool to not be freezing when I need to visit the latrine.

9. Wearing a combination of big stompy winter boots and my dumb black stretchy pants, thus making me feel like a character out of a science fiction game. I hate to be that bimbo that just cannot be bothered to leave her comfy black yoga pants to go out in public, but it lets me think that maybe today I might just get to shoot some aliens in the face, so deal with it, world!

10. Christmas lights! Flying into Toronto, I kept seeing all these colorful little blotches on the ground. And then I realized that they were Christmas lights on houses and trees! It was really nice to see, as no houses in Georgia really don these. 

11. Christmas in general. Christmas is my favorite. It means Love Actually, and Nightmare Before Christmas, and A Christmas Story, and listening to the Beatles album Love while we decorate the tree.  It's being a spaz with my sister and running around her house like a freakpants while putting up oodles of sparkly things and harassing her poor dog. 

12. Drinking a never ending supply of tea while wrapped up in a blanket with a space heater pointed at my toes, all to the wonderful joy of Netflix and its continuous play. I've missed you a lot, Netflix. I want to give your non corporeal little self a big ol' hug.